Having tough conversations is one of the biggest obstacles to creating change. Here are highlights on how to have difficult conversations from the excellent book, "Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss What Matters the Most."
“Wow, that would be amazing for us to do. It could really change how we work together,” concurred a group of managers at one of the biggest technology companies in the world last week.
“But it’s just not how our culture works,” someone said.
Then the grumbling about the culture began until, as the strategy facilitator, I cut the naysaying short and asked:
Why couldn’t this group start working differently and then open the way for others to follow? Change has to start somewhere. Why not you? You view yourselves as creative and innovative.
Someone has to start, having the guts to stand alone.
And someone has to be the first to follow, also an act of leadership.
That’s how culture changes and movements start.
Dare to start or be the first follower.
What's the value of a facilitator? "I do not think that cerebration sessions can be left unguided. There must be someone in charge who plays a role equivalent to that of a psychoanalyst... In the same way, a session-arbiter will have to sit there, stirring up the animals, asking the shrewd question, making the necessary comment, bringing them gently back to the point."
I'm reclaiming conversations because relationships turn into transactions and we lose our capacity for learning, friendship, love, and empathy without them. Here's what MIT's Sherry Turkle has to say about why we need to stop hiding behindtexts, Tweets, emails, and other person-behind-the-screen communications.
Courage helps us challenge what no longer works, fight for better ways, achieve more than we thought possible and overcome all the stress and unexpected land mines that are thrown in our paths. How do you become more courageous? By using these four strengths.
Good questions help us see what we should do next. What do you need? opens up helpful conversations with others and ourself.
One of the most popular questions Carmen Medina and I get asked during our Rebels at Work talks is, “What happens when your boss takes your idea and doesn’t give you credit for it?”
The question posed to our creative Quest group: If you knew your life story would be based on choices next year, how would you live?
Well, first of all, can it be a movie vs. just a story? A movie sounds so much more interesting.
Lois, Sweetheart, it can be whatever you want. This is a creative exercise."
OK, then, this is what I'm going to do so that my life is "movie-worthy."
It's June 1 and the city garden behind my Providence, RI, office is bursting with new growth. What's fascinating about plants -- and organizations -- is that so much unexpected and counter-intuitive growth happens at the tips and edges of organisms.
New cellular structures -- and ways of working -- often happen by chance, emerging unexpectedly in the least likely places.