Another Crazy Love Song

Music keeps me sane, especially driving during rush hour. So when SiriusXM yanked my favorite station (The Loft) off the air for two weeks, I programmed Soul Town into my car radio and my psyche.

My first reaction to these 60’s and 70s soul classics was, “Oh, my God, how did we grow up on such a steady stream of lovelorn and often sexist music?”

Yearning, marveling, celebrating, mourning.  Talk about getting into our souls.

There was Barry White crooning, “You're my first, my last, my everything.” Aretha sitting in vain, wrapping on the door, tapping on the windowpane trying to get her guy back.  Bill Withers getting no sunshine because she went away. And The Supremes reminding us that though they set you free, they’d be there for you no matter what, ‘cause ain't no mountain high enough to keep them from you.

For a few days I wondered whether this music was just a little too over-dramatic and dated to keep listening to.

Flip the perspective: This Song Is For You

One day as DJ Ken “Spiderman” Webb’s mellifluous voice mellowed my exasperated mood in bumper-to-by bumper traffic, I played a little head game.  What if I listened to these love songs as songs to myself instead of odes to current and lost loves?

Might flipping the perspective of these classic tunes be a way to reach out and show myself a little tenderness? Might they give me a little sunshine on a cloudy day?

And then my thoughts went to how good most of us are at not being so good to ourselves. People tell me their bosses, their children, their mothers are tough on them.  But really, we’re toughest on ourselves.

There’ so much I don’t know. But one thing I do know is that we can’t help others, do our best work, or enjoy life if we don’t first reach out and comfort and care for ourselves.

Research by Dr. Kristin Neff, a University of Texas psychology professor and author of Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself has found that people who are self-compassionate lead healthier, more productive lives than those who are self-critical. Self-compassion works better than self-esteem; it gives us a stable sense of security and self-worth and improves our motivation.

Neff recommends that we try to talk to ourselves like we would our best friends, offering advice and doling out kindness.

I’d add singing love songs to yourself.

The Loft is back but I’m not giving up Soul Town. Excuse me while I get back to Diana and Marvin:

Stop, look
Listen to your heart, hear what it's saying
Stop, look
Listen to your heart, hear what it's saying
Love, love, love